Sorry it's been so long you guys. I have had a rough couple of weeks but I am still pushing along. I had a little break down ealier this week because I feel so much pressure from everyone; but mostly from myself I guess. I don't know why I put so much pressure on myself but it has really been bogging me down. I am always so hard on myself and always trying to please everyone around me, but I am no longer going to allow this for myself! I know that the road ahead of me is going to be rough, but I know that God is beside me and this is exactly the path he has made for me.
Today I really sought God out for strength to keep pushing forward. I am so scared of what this road of full, actually, recovery looks like. I am scared to let Julie {my therapist} in, she says that she isn't going to walk away like others have, but why wouldn't she walk away? So many others who were supposed to be close walked away, what will make her different. I worry though if I don't let her in, will I ever get better? I don't think I will, and I can not live like this anymore. So, I guess that leaves me no choice I have to trust that God brought me here, with Julie for a specific reason. All things work together for those who trust in the Lord {Romans 8:28} and I believe that is is no different! I have to trust that Julie will help me through this, and I have to let her in, in order to allow her help. Please pray for me in order to open myself up fully to Julie, into all the areas, into all the dark secrets of my life, and to not feel ashamed or embarrassed about the things that I have gone through. Please pray that I can learn to except that the things I have undergone are not my fault, and that I do not need to punish myself any longer. Thanks <3
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