Well today has been an up and down day for me. I got to go out with Tiara and her family, we ended up going to the mall, and ED was definitely screaming the whole time. I don't understand how my body image has gotten so much worse since I came here. I thought that this place was supposed to help me get over that. It's so hard to get up each day and look in the mirror because I'm disgusted with what I see staring back at me. It instantly starts my day off bad. Then when you have people that make comments about you, it just makes everything so much worse.
I am scared of how tomorrow is going to go because of the whole Carly situation. It has gotten to a point where I do not feel safe and secure here anymore. Last night was awful, I only slept like two hours and Katie even had to sleep in my bed with me. She said that I cried through the whole entire night. My nightmares were at an all time high. I just don't like feeling that at any moment some drug dealer will be bringing all his friends here and who knows what will happen. This whole situation has really brough up a lot of feelings and memories from my past and my anxiety has been really bad.
Tonight I really came to understand how much I appreciate everyone that is praying for and supporting me through this recovery process. I have seen how others' family and friends have treated them through all of this, and I have to say I am one lucky girl to have everyone I do. Thank you everyone for being there for me.....I wouldn't be able to make it through this if it weren't for you. If there is anything that I am not talking about in this blog that you would like me to message me or call me and I will do my best to start. Love you all, and can't wait to be back home; Happy & HEALTHY!!! <3