Sorry I didn't write last night I had a really rough day and wasn't feeling it. It really started hitting me how many calories I was taking in and I didn't want to do it anymore. I also talked to my counselor Julie yesterday and when she was talking she really reminded me of my mom. I decided I didn't like her and I wanted a different counselor. Yesterday was the first day that I got to do yoga and I got really dizzy and had to stop because I was afraid of passing out. I also got to start meal planning yesterday which is a really big deal.
Well today was a much better day to say the least. I woke up feeling kind of low. I missed calories last night because I didn't drink coffee, but I told them at weigh in and they told me to just try better tonight. In todays first group I had to share the time-line of my life, and I was really really nervous because I knew that it meant truly opening up to the group. I was scared of what they would say, and how they would treat me after they learned about who I "really" was. I ended disclosing to them a lot, not everything but it was a really really good first start. I was actually proud of myself. I feel like I am really starting to make some HUGE progress. Then Julie and I had a one on one session and I told her about the way that she made me feel yesterday. She also appologized for making me feel like I couldn't be truthful with her with fear of needing a higher level of care. She said that it's normal to have bad days, and to even have symptoms and that it will not mean I can't stay here. I just have to be honest if I struggle, and that made me feel a lot better.
Today was the first day that I got to meal plan and it was actually harder than I thought. Even though I got to pick everything I ate today I actually chose challenging foods and they were hard for me to get down. I guess that's a good thing because I learned that I COULD keep them down, and that was a huge realization for me. I did however get put on medicsal restrictions because my palse rate increased 25 beats per minute when I stood up. They said that this should be fixed here in the next couple of days, so now I have to drink and 8 oz glass of gatoraide. Hopefully this fixes the problem. Well I need to get to bed, tomorrow will be here before I know it. Miss you guys so much <3