Sunday, February 12, 2012

Day 6....Not A Very Good Day :-(

    Today was a very rough day for me. It started off pretty well, just relaxing with Tiara and watching TV. I haven't been feeling that well lately, and I was really struggling with food today. Snack today consisted of oreos milk, and fruit gushers. I knew I was in trouble for sure. So I ate it really fast then came upstairs and started crying. I had to get the food out of me, I just couldn't take it anymore. I came upstairs and was alone, and I ended up purging. Afterwards I had a complete breakdown and decided I wanted to go home. My roommates came back and talked me into just waiting until the morning before I decided if I wanted to leave. Then I ate dinner and it started all over again. I went to take a shower thinking that would make me better, but it didn't I ended up purging again.

    I feel like such a failure! I want to get better I really do, but this is just so hard. I just want to be better!!! I want to be ED free. I want these chains of bondage to break off of me! Why can't it all just go away? Am I really strong enough to fight this disease? I don't know anymore....<3

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