Today was a really good day for me. I am still losing weight so they increased my calories again. I was kind of upset about it because I thought since I had symptoms this weekend they would give me a couple of days to get my weight back up; but I guess not. I guess I am okay with the increase because it's one day closer to getting out of here. I know that weight gain is an essential part of this recovery process as hard as this concept is for me, or maybe it's ED to accept. ED is really screaming loud at me these last couple of days since I gave into symptoms. I know that the longer I seperate myself from the screams of ED the stronger I will become in my recovery.
Today our second group was on guilt and shame, hmmm my two favorite topics NOT! So I was very nervous. We were asked to make a list of things that we felt guilt or shameful for, or something that we kept as a secret. I made my list and the anxiety started increasing, then we were told that we had to share with the group what we wrote down. Then my counselor came and got me for session and I didn't have to talk to the group. I was relieved in moment but now I feel like if I just would have been able to open up to the group my progress would have increased quickly! Thursday I have to share my timeline of my life, so maybe then I will be able to get the courage to open up fully about EVERYTHING! Please pray for my courage to increase, so that I really can get better. I had a really good individual session with Julie though. We talked a lot about Dale and what that relationship looked like. I've been able to open up to her a lot; but I haven't been able to tell her everything. One day though I will get up the nerve to tell her. Well I need to get started on my timeline....ttyl <3